Finding the Space In Between
Kate Wildrick, April 22, 2024
There is something to be said for the residual energy that is present after people gather at one of our events. Those who stick around after others have left, find themselves in the awe and wonderment of what ever themes and discussions have happened throughout our time together. The one I wish to write about has taken a bit of time to sit with. It is one that is multifaceted and is full of layers that touch on the rich complexities of life… and death. A little over a week ago, we decided to debut a “Surf and Turf” dinner. It was big production for us, as we had never done steak and prawns before on our new char broil grill. In the hours of preparation for it took for us to prepare for the event, we contemplated how everything would turn out and if people would like what we made. To our delight, when the event started and people began to taste to what we had created, we watched as the evening exploded into excitement and sharing. The dishes we made set the scene for connection to happen. People stayed and mingled. As I gathered empty plates, one of the neighbors came back and gave me her dish and shared from her heart how happy she was that we were here. She went on to say how things had been difficult for her. The isolation of the pandemic and some health conditions had caused her to pull away from the world. She expressed how grateful she was that she had a place to go and shared that when she was with us, she felt like she could be herself and loved as she is. My heart beamed as I set down the plate and gave her a hug.
One by one, our guests left. A new and now dear friend (in her 70’s) of whom we have met doing these events chose to stay. It was here that we talked about children and the world that once was and now is. As fellow redheads, we both laughed about how some things may never change when it comes to the challenges we faced being different from others. The things like bullying and the scars and wisdom it left us with along with compassion to rally and cheer for others gave rise to a much deeper and intimate space. I suspect what she shared next was only told to handful of people. It meant a great deal to hold and marvel with her what she had to say. The weight and tragic nature of it, revealed the depths of what mental illness and certain situations and conditions could ignite. The aftermath of what unfolded could easily have turned someone mad. She, however, chose to leverage it as inspiration to do something good. As the evening came to an end, I knew that what she had opened the door to a very special space that few ever go. It is the places like these – in the in between, that illuminate so much more of where we can find the common ground while finding the hopeful “ah ha’s” that inspire us to show up differently to ourselves and the world.
After she left, my husband and I finished the last the dishes, turned off the lights and headed back to our home. In getting settled, I then checked my messages and saw that a dear friend of mine from high school had reached out, letting me and know that a friend of ours took his life. There I sat — in a different in between. My mind began to race. From looking at all of the correlations that I had just been freshly immersed in around mental health that evening and then reflecting back to the painful realities of what I remembered as a kid, my heart sank and I felt the weight in a new way. That night, I did my best to fall asleep. What little sleep I did get, was not deep. I woke up feeling exhausted and weary, like I had been trying to put a whole 2,000 piece puzzle together all night with no picture to reference. I checked my phone to find that another friend I had planned to share the news with who was not on social media, had randomly reached out. He had no idea of our friend’s passing. I held that phone and took a breath. In that pause, I knew that when I hit that send button, things would change.
The next few days were filled with a lot of emotion and reflection. As I gathered with old friends to honor the passing of someone we loved and cared about, I also shared with my current support network what I was navigating. In the back of my mind, I kept returning to the spaces that we hold for ourselves and others. If there is one thing that keeps returning as a theme again and again, the spaces for connection are deeply needed. They are the lifelines, the wells of inspiration and energy that can be drawn from to face what is happening and challenge what needs to change. I have to wonder if people ever stop to inquire what space(s) they wander in and through. I am curious to know if they are mindfully aware of how they affect these liminal places and those that are there with them. In saying that, I have really come to see what we are doing and creating here as being tremendously important. In this ever changing world where our attention, internal narratives and real estate of our mind and being is sought to be captured, where does one go to find space to slow down, explore what is within and open up to what else exists in between the pauses, words, and ideas we hold and carry.
The Blank Space is just one of many I hold. It here on this website, that I capture the stories of others as they make their way through the Prosperity Private Club and how they also affect me and my family’s personal life. I cannot help but wonder what would happen if we could see beyond the boxes and confining ideas we are taught to live in and be bound by. How would would we see one another? How in turn might we see ourselves? What space could we create to give rise for something new and more hopeful to emerge?
In still grieving the loss of my friend, what I can say is that I have come to appreciate the space that is all around me. From the group connection with my old friends making an effort to reach out and share what is happening in their world, my friends that are here on a local and international level who I have the opportunity to talk to regularly, I am grateful for all the ways we have access to connect and mindfully make the spaces for enriching exchanges to happen. The space we create matters and it is what you make of it.
